Be smart - listen to your body!

When I started working closely with my trainer, Flaminia ("Fla"), in late 2014, she put me on 1,500 calories a day plus allowed me (after some argument) an additional 200 calories because I was working out regularly.  She also turned me onto MyFitnessPal.com, a free website to track my calories and progress.   

She tweaked my eating plan here and there, nothing drastic, yet it made a world of difference.  The first month I worked with her, I dropped about 14 lbs. - in one month!  This was incredible considering I had been on a 16-month plateau by that point where my weight hadn't budged except to gain.  During the next year working with her, I dropped over 95 lbs.  That's incredible considering I was "only" able to lose 40 lbs. on my own in 2 years. 

While working with Fla, even though I was never perfect on my daily calories, I was losing an average of 7 to 10 lbs. a month, give or take.  By the end of 2015, after having lost a ton of weight, my weight loss floundered and I started losing "only" between 0 to 4 lbs. a month, if I was lucky, and often gained whatever I lost back the subsequent month.  I was yo-yoing between 167 lbs. and 179 lbs. on the scale.  Although I hadn't seen either number on the scale for over 30 years, I didn't want to be in the 170s again after seeing the 160s - and I certainly didn't want to reach the 180s ever again.  Whenever I reached 179 lbs. again, I started panicking and made sure I didn't go over that.  My personal goal is to be in the 150s and although I'm so close I can see the end of the road, it wasn't happening.   

At this point I was working out like a fiend even though Fla moved to New York in January 2016.  I continued to eat healthy foods and watch my calories as I had been, but the scale wasn't cooperating.   I was incredibly successful all year and now I was stuck again when I was so close to my goal!  Although I knew my body continued to shrink because my clothes were getting looser and I dropped yet another size during this floundering, I wanted to see this "shrinkage" reflected on the scale, too.   

Both Fla and my new trainer, Tunde, continually tell me not to worry about the scale because I'm building muscle and muscle weighs more so the scale doesn't always truly reflect how my body is improving.  They even told me to (gasp at the thought!!!) put the scale away so I don't use it.   Seriously though, how can you not put a lot of validity on those numbers?!  Although intellectually I knew what they were saying was true, about judging my success by my clothes and the mirror versus the scale numbers, emotionally, however, I wanted to see the scale numbers drop.  Anyone who's had a weight problem to the degree I had knows it's impossible, absolutely impossible, not to worry about what that scale shows.  This is where logic goes out the window and emotions take over.  When logic disappears, that's when we get in trouble.

I became angry and frustrated that the scale wasn't cooperating and this is where I lost my head momentarily and started being stupid on my journey.  The result?  I sabotaged myself and gained 9 lbs. which added to my frustration and anger and that led me to be even more stupid which then sabotaged me even more until I had gained about 12 lbs. total in a matter of a few weeks.  It's a vicious cycle once you start doing the wrong thing when it comes to eating.  Despite how incredibly successful I've been the last few years, here I was sabotaging myself by falling into old, bad habits that just don't work.  In fact, they have the opposite effect which then leads to doing even worse things.  I knew I was in trouble when I started contemplating skipping meals to lose the extra pounds I gained.  Skipping meals is completely unacceptable and doesn't work.

My entire journey has been fraught with trial and error (mostly error) until I find what works.  Most often my ignorance of the process plays a huge part, but then someone like Fla or Tunde pull me back on track.  My only saving grace is that whereas the old me became frustrated and gave up, the new me keeps trying until I find something that works and if I can't figure it out on my own, the new me actually seeks help from my trainer(s), something I never did before.

How did I sabotage myself?   First of all, I dropped my calories to 1,300 a day from 1,500.  With the additional 200 calories I was allowed for working out, I was essentially consuming 1,500 calories a day which is what Fla put me on originally.  Fla scolded me all the way from New York to be careful about dropping my calories, but I thought it was reasonable to drop it to 1,300 with an additional 200 calories allowed because of how much I was working out.  It worked fine and I was doing well, but I wasn't dropping weight fast enough for my satisfaction.  Even though my body continued to shrink and I was dropping sizes, the scale numbers weren't good enough for me.  And so then I started playing with my daily calories and dropped them to 1,200 a day until eventually I ended up at 1,100 calories a day.  If I could meet these new quotas, I would lose weight easily.  The problem was that in order to meet these lower calories, I started playing with my food, too, because I was finding it hard to stay within the new quotas.

I decided at this point that I couldn't eat as much protein (beef, poultry, etc.) as I had been because these are loaded with calories.  A tiny piece of beef can be 300 calories.  When you're trying to consume only 1,100 calories a day, 300 calories on one item is too much.  If you add sides or a snack, now your calories for the day are getting depleted quickly.  So for several weeks, I was trying to consume mostly vegetables and fruits while reducing my protein intake considerably.  It was my own vegan diet as it were.  The result?  Although I wasn't necessarily hungry during the day, once evening hit, I was famished.  It wasn't binging, the syndrome where I lose all control where food is concerned because of something emotional, it was actual hunger.   Every night I found myself over eating and blowing my calories.  Here I had been good all day and the last few hours of the day I just blew all my hard work.  The irony is that I wasn't even eating bad foods, just a lot of healthy foods, particularly nuts which are loaded with calories and fat.  Every night I consequently felt the familiar feeling of having failed myself and then vowed to do better the next day.  Each day I started out fine, did well during the day, and then once again when evening hit, I couldn't stop eating.  Within a few weeks I went from 167 lbs. (my lowest ever in over 30 years) to 179 lbs. 

In addition to being famished every night, I developed two strange cravings:  for coffee and salt.  I've always loved coffee and my normal routine is to have a big cup in the morning and another in the afternoon as a treat.  On the rare occasion I might have a third cup in the evening.  But now I was craving coffee all day long.  I could finish a cup of coffee and start craving another one immediately.  It could be 2 in the morning and I was craving coffee.  Not only was I craving it, I was drinking it often every day.  I started consuming coffee like it was the only food that would allow me to survive.  When I drink coffee, I always add milk to it (no sugar because I don't like sweet drinks) so I had to find a lower caloric milk that didn't affect the taste of my coffee.  Although I usually consume non-fat milk, it's still 45 calories per cup of coffee because I use a lot of it.   Adding 45 calories for every cup of coffee I was consuming during my craving defeated the purpose of trying to lower my calories so I found that Unsweetened Original Cashew Milk was perfect for my craving at 12 calories per cup of coffee.

The other craving I couldn't satisfy was for salt.  I've never liked salt so this one surprised me.  My mother used to put salt in everything and I grew to hate the taste of it.  In my entire adult life, I've hated salty foods and when I cook, I use salt sparingly.  Now here I was craving salt like it was going out of style.   Ironically, my mouth had the taste of salt 24/7, too.  I couldn't understand it.

The biggest mistake I made was not telling either Fla or Tunde what I was doing with the food or dropping my daily calories even more.  I thought I could figure it out on my own.  I didn't.  I was sabotaging myself again and the more frustrated I became, the more I sabotaged myself.  Once I told both Fla and Tunde what I was doing, they both chastised me.  Tunde pointed out to me that the reason I was famished at night and couldn't stop eating is that my body was craving what it wasn't getting during the day. 

During my weight-loss journey, I've had some weird cravings and I learned that cravings that go on for more than a couple of days mean that your body is screaming for something.  The problem is sometimes the message is not clear as to what that "something" is.  When I was craving coffee, I figured I was craving caffeine.  It turned out that I was actually craving iron.   What has lots of iron?   Protein!   So here my body was screaming at me that it needed protein that I foolishly stopped consuming because protein has a lot of calories.  Tunde chastised me and told me protein calories are the types of calories I need the most because of how much I'm working out.   Protein rebuilds the body and it's mandatory that I consume protein every single day.  That day after training with her I went to the store and bought some beef for lunch and dinner.  From then on, I've been eating lots of protein and the craving for coffee disappeared almost overnight.  Now I'm back to having a couple of cups of coffee a day.

 

As for the craving for salt, it turned out I was dehydrated.  Not only was I not paying attention to my daily water intake, I was drinking so much coffee that whatever little water I was drinking was being depleted because coffee is a diuretic.  It turned out I was only drinking about 3 to 6 glasses a day of water a day which is not anywhere near enough for my current activity level.  Salt retains water so my body was craving salt to hydrate itself. 

Drinking water is essential to our existence.  As I mentioned before in my blog, for decades the only fluids I ever drank were diet Pepsi and coffee.  I probably drank 4 glasses of water a year  back then.  How my body didn't shut down from dehydration is beyond me.  But since I started my journey in late 2012, water is the only fluid I really drink and lots of it, about 8 to 12 glasses a day.  When I attend spin class, I drink up to 6 glasses (2 sports bottles) of water during  class.   I don't even have to force myself to drink so much water.   You sweat so much during spin class that my body screams for water.  So here I was barely drinking anything at all and now I was craving salt.  Once again Tunde chastised me for it, and rightly so.  I started tracking my water intake more religiously and forcing myself to drink enough even when I wasn't thirsty and sure enough, my craving for salt disappeared.

It's interesting how our body tells us what it needs.  The only problem is we don't always understand the message so we end up eating everything but what our bodies truly need.  This is where it's important to research our cravings/needs by talking to trainers, nutritionists, researching it in books, reading information online although you have to be careful when you read things online because anyone can post anything and although it might seem legitimate, there's a lot of garbage information online.  The key is to research, analyze, and decipher what's important.

In any case, I'm back on track: I increased my calories back to 1,300 a day and I give myself another 200 calories per day for working out, I've been drinking lots of water, and I'm back to eating protein even when it blows my calories for the day.  The result?   I've lost 10 of the 12 lbs. I gained and I'm back on track.  Not only that, I feel terrific and I don't have any cravings anymore nor am I famished at night.

This entire journey of mine has been full of learning experiences and I imagine I'll keep learning for the rest of my life.  The key is to never give up and to keep trying until we find something healthy that works.