Some
months ago, perhaps even a year ago, Yahoo featured a story about someone who
had lost a lot of weight.
At the bottom of the article, there was a request for other similar stories
and I sent in a little blurb on a whim. I
don't recall what I said, but I believe it was only a few sentences at
most. I don't remember how much I
weighed at the time either, but if it was indeed last year, I would have been
about 20 lbs. heavier than I am now. At the time, I
figured Yahoo received a ton of responses and mine fell through the cracks when
I didn't hear back, and I promptly forgot I even answered their request.
Imagine
my surprise when out of the blue I got an email this week requesting I fill out a
questionnaire about my plight and that I send them some "before" and
"after" photos as well. My
initial reaction was complete humiliation. The idea that, assuming they ever featured me
on their website, thousands of people might read about my biggest failure in
life would be just too mortifying. This
is exactly how I felt when Flaminia, the young woman who changed my life, suggested I start a blog about my journey and
exactly how I felt when my blog ended up on the internet. At first I thought of not responding to Yahoo
at all, but I started thinking of all the people who've flocked to me in the
last couple of years wanting to know how I lost the weight, asking the same
questions over and over again, so they
could do it, too. With that in mind, I sent
Yahoo a write-up answering their questions.
Besides, my plight was already posted on the internet, what's a little
more exposure?
As
for photos, a few months ago both my cell phone and computer crashed within
days of each other and I lost data because, of course, I hadn't backed up my
files for quite some time. Luckily,
technicians were able to back up most of my files from my computer even though it
was beyond repair. Whatever was in my
cell phone, however, was gone into the ether forever.
In
an effort to meet Yahoo's request, I started reviewing all my back-up drives to
see what photos I still had and I inadvertently came across this one which I
didn't even know existed. It was taken
by a friend in June 2008 when we went to the zoo. It appears I transferred the photos from
that excursion to my hard drive without looking at them because I don't
remember seeing this one at all. One
thing's for certain: I had no idea this particular
photo was snapped because in those days I didn't allow photos of me to be
taken. Had I seen it, it
would have haunted me the way it's haunting me now after finding it, eight years later.
When
this photo popped up on my computer screen, I was horrified. THIS was me???? Seriously? Good Lord! But, of course, it is
me - at least (thankfully) the "old" me. Like I've explained a few times throughout my
blog, not only did I not allow photos to be taken of me in those days, I didn't
look at my reflected image either particularly when I was out in public. The mirrors in my house lie because they
didn't seem to show me what I really looked like and it was a disheartening shock
to see myself in reflected surfaces away from home, such as a store window or
glass door, or - God forbid - in a photograph that freezes that horrible image for
prosperity.
This
particular photograph has been haunting me since I found it a few days
ago. I can't stop seeing it in my mind's
eye. It's one of those rude awakening
moments when you clearly see yourself for the first time in ages and it's not a
pretty sight at all. Although this
person is smiling, I know she was unhappy and miserable. I know she wasn't comfortable in her own body
or to be out in the world. I remember how
difficult life was to her. I remember
her insecurities and how self conscious she was whenever she walked out her
front door. She is a stranger to me now,
yet remnants of her will always be in the back of my mind.
I'm
actually glad now that this photo exists because I don't have many "before"
photos to prove where I used to be, or how far I've come. There
are several emotions that hit me all at once when I look at it: deep sadness that I let myself get this big in
the first place, and I can't help wonder how many opportunities I missed out in
life because of it. The sadness is
suddenly replaced with true pride that I was able to work hard and succeed. I'm grateful that I didn't allow myself to
wither and die completely for this, the last chapter of my life. It also reminds me that I never, ever want to get to this stage again. People have told me many times these last
few years, "You should be so proud of yourself!" about my
success, and I am. My hard work paid off and I gained my life back. Now it's time to put my story out there in the hopes that my trials and tribulations may help others who are today in the same place that this woman in the photo was then.
In
any case, here's the photo I've been describing. I would have been about 300 lbs. here. Remember that at 5'10, I carried the weight a bit better than most, too. I can't even begin to imagine what I would have looked like were I shorter in stature:
10 comments:
YOU ARE AMAZING!!!
thank you so much for the inspiration!!!
sadly I"m your old twin.
So glad you clicked on that yahoo email!!
I just read your story and you dont know how much you have inspired me in that short 7 minutes that I am reading and trying to digest what you wrote..What you wrote there really that is like writing about me... and especially with the 'rubber band effect'..that is so how I am feeling right..
I am going home to re-read about this AGAIN.
Much love from Singapore!!
I also just read your story on Yahoo. I wanted to comment simply because i can so. relate. Almost 4 years ago, I was 50 years old and nearly 270 pounds. Using your same philosophies, I've been maintaining at 150 pounds for two and a half years. My quote on my page on MFP is never give up. I also never had any real expectations in the beginning that I would actually do it, and to tell the truth, I find maintaining as much work as losing lol. Thanks for your story!
OMG! Your story tops all the inspirational stories I have every read! I am on a journey very similar to yours, since June. I have only lost 15 lbs but I work out pretty much every day. I gave myself a talking to this morning, telling myself if I don't get my nutrition straightened out I won't loose the weight. I am the only person putting food in my mouth, I need to get a grip. By God I am not giving up this time! I tell myself if I stop now where will I be in a year?
I am currently 56 years old. I need to loose 40 lbs which doesn't sound like much compared to what you did, but the struggle is the same.
Thank you for sharing your story!!!!
Karen
I just read your story and am in tears because I have read so many stories and none like your I feel just like you did I am at 375 pounds and can not find a way out I have worked out and done weight watchers. But I have never seen it like you do, do better everyday. I am so glad that I read your story it has motivated me to do something about it and do better everyday I want to say THANK YOU for doing this because I know you have changed something in ME. Today I start my journey thank you!
WOW!!! What an inspiration you are. I just read your story and it was like someone telling mine. I have recently started to make changes. Thank you for helping me on a new outlook on changing my life, do better every day! You are living proof that it is possible even after many failures. Thank you!
I just read your story on Yahoo and I just wanted to thank you for sharing. I have read several of these articles as I have also lost slightly over 100lbs and have been able to keep it off. I tend to find them helpful motivation to keep doing. I have never followed up on anyone's article before, but your article is probably the first one that walked through the ups and downs of what it takes.
The dedication and persistence to continue on with it even on those days you fail. That food can be an addiction and that it's something you still have to face every day. Yet, you maintain the will to choose what you know will make you feel better in the long run instead of choosing that baked good which will satisfy just a moment. Sometimes, there are days when you do choose that satisfying moment, but you know that it will be OK because of the work and choices you will make to improve.
It's a difficult journey, and you should be extremely proud of yourself. It's also a journey that never ends, keep it up, and continue to be you.
Thank you again for sharing.
Vilma,
I think that your story is the first one to truly inspire me! I just turned 55, I weigh 215 and if it comes into the house I'll eat it till it's gone even if I'm not hungry. I live with my daughters who are 15 & 21, and I've been trying to get divorced for over 2 years! Also went thru bankruptcy in an attempt to be able to stay in my house and keep our pets. I just signed up with my 15 yr old daughter to start working out at 9Round; it's a circuit training program that is built around kickboxing.
I do have a question; have you had to deal with excess skin?
Kathy
THANK YOU Vilma for posting your inspiring LIFE changes. I will learn from your story & take your tips to heart! THANKS so much for being an unselfish person & a giving angel to all in need! Prayers for success for all, Missy.
For successful ideas, you may email me as I'm at the front of my venture. Thank you. Missy :-) flutteringbutterflies@yahoo.com
Thank you. You are the sign I was praying for.I was considering gastric bypass
I'm glad I ran across your story.it gives me hope to try weight loss again one day at a time The most weight I. ever lost was 30lb which took me 6 months then i gave up due to the amount I had to lose.
Post a Comment