The omens and the blue-haired tormentor

So here it was, August 2014, almost two years after starting my weight-loss journey with Weight Watchers ("WW"), and I had been stuck on a plateau for 13 months during which time I kept gaining/losing the same 15 lbs. over and over again.  At this point I had "only" lost 40 lbs. after regaining 10.  I didn't understand why my weight wasn't budging because I was doing the WW program, and although I struggled through the various setbacks I had experienced during those months (explained in "How I lost my first 40 lbs."), I was doing okay in tracking my food and exercising when I was physically able to.  I had never been perfect on WW before and I still lost weight, so why wasn't it working still?  As you lose weight, WW lowers the amount of points you can have each day so my calories were being reduced, or increased if I gained.  

At about this time, I had a doctor's appointment and I told him how frustrated I was about the plateau.  He, himself, had lost over 100 lbs. years before through WW so I trust his input.  He said to me, "It's time to do something different."  This sentence wouldn't have meant anything to me and I would have forgotten it long before heading to my car from his office except for the fact that I realized at that moment that he was the third doctor who uttered the same, exact words to me within the past year.  Three people in one year said the same thing to me, maybe there's something valuable in that short sentence?  Once again, the information was in front of me all along, but I hadn't been listening - until now.

Since I was already tracking food with WW, I figured maybe my present exercise program was the culprit.  At that time I was walking 3 miles around the neighborhood several times a week and I was also going to Curves twice or thrice a week.  Apparently this wasn't good enough any more.  I was getting really bored with Curves anyway and I guessed it was time to move on.  I always knew when I joined Curves that it was only to get me started and that it wouldn't be for the long term, but it was a great start.  

The idea of joining a gym (especially a co-ed one) was the last thing I wanted to do.  I had joined gyms many times before, went religiously for a few weeks, then less often for a month or two, and then not at all.  I always got stuck paying gym fees until the year contract was over or paid high cancellation fees to get out of the contract early.  Either way, it was money I wasted.  However, the doctors' words kept ringing in my ears and what other choice did I have?  Buying workout equipment, like a treadmill, for home wasn't the answer for me.  First, where to put it all.  Second, I'd never use it.  I already have free weights I've never used in all the years they've taken up room in my house.  I also have exercise DVDs that I've never watched and who knows where they are anyway.  I know me, I have absolutely no discipline when it comes to working out by myself.  It's not like I even enjoy exercising either.  Walking is the one activity I hate the least so I know I just won't do much else on my own.  I had to join a gym, at least I could use the machines to get stronger and maybe I could take their classes for variety.

Many years ago I had joined Total Woman ("TW"), a gym near me that's for women only.  I had been a member over 15 years before.  They moved locations since, but I wasn't sure where they were now.  I started mulling over the idea that I should join TW again, but I made no effort to actually do it.  A week or so later while I was still trying to convince myself to join a gym, my phone rings and the caller ID read, "Total Woman."  Whoa!  I couldn't believe it!  What an incredible coincidence!  This was spooky!  Or was it an omen?  I was taken aback and it took me a few rings before I answered.  When I did, the woman on the other end explained that they were reaching out to former members and listed their rates for different contract packages.  I took down the information, and we hung up with no commitment from my end.  This call took place on a Thursday or Friday.  On Monday morning, I went straight to TW and joined.  Luckily they had a month-to-month contract and I could cancel at any time without having to pay a cancellation fee.  The year contract was cheaper, but I didn't anticipate going to the gym for more than a few months because I never lasted more than that before, so in the end, it would be cheaper to join on a month-to-month basis rather than get locked into a year-long or two-year-long contract.  I have a fear of commitment anyway, so having a cheap way out is ideal for me. 

When I joined TW on August 18, 2014, I did not feel elated or excited or had the feeling that this was it, I was going to succeed once and for all.  In fact, I remember thinking I had just signed up to waste my money once again, more buyer's remorse.  At least this time, TW would allow me to cancel at any time without having to pay a cancellation fee.  It did cross my mind momentarily that I had felt exactly the same when I joined WW almost two years before and that had worked out somewhat so maybe TW would, too?

  

They scheduled an appointment for me for the following day with a trainer who was supposed to do what all gyms do with new members:  weigh me, measure me, etc.  I find this all too tedious and I told them I didn't need any of that, all I wanted was for someone to show me how to use the machines, and then "I'll do my own thing."  After all, within a couple of months when I stop going to the gym, I thought, this information they're so eager to get becomes moot anyway.  The employee said no problem, and set up the appointment with a gal named Flaminia ("Fla") for the following day.

The next morning, I met Fla.  She was at least half my age (26), had a tuft of blue hair on top of her head, shaved sides, and some piercings.  I thought the look suited her well, but what I really liked about her is that she was as tall as me.  I like tall women because otherwise I feel like an Amazon, especially being obese.  Fla had a slight accent, but I didn't think anything of it.  I live in Los Angeles County and everybody has an accent.   I used to have an accent years ago, too.  Where I live, it's predominantly Armenian and Hispanic so I just assumed she was the former because I had never heard the name Flaminia. It didn't sound Hispanic to me.

In any case, I was expecting this Fla person to show me the machines because that's what I had asked for, but apparently this hadn't been communicated to her so we ended up in a small office where Fla proceeded to give me the spiel:  what are your goals, let's weigh you, let's measure you, let's do the fat/Body Mass Index ("BMI") calculations, let's put you on a program, let's discuss training session packages, blah blah blah.  I was getting annoyed.  This is not what I wanted.  When Fla pulled out a laminated sheet listing the different training session packages, all I saw was thousands of dollars.  I was thinking to myself, "Are you nuts?  I can't afford THAT!"   

I cut her off and told her all I wanted was for her to show me the machines and then "I'll do my own thing."  Fla apologized that no one had told her what I wanted and said she didn't have time that day to show me the machines.  She continued to explain the value of training with a trainer and setting goals, but I was so annoyed about the whole situation that I wasn't even listening to her.  I felt like these people had just wasted my time because now I'd need to come back yet another day to have someone show me the machines before I could use them.  They just wanted more of my money by roping me into paying for training sessions.  I knew their scheme!   

But as I’m in the middle of getting really annoyed about the whole situation, and while Fla was yammering about something I wasn't listening to, I took a look at that laminated sheet and decided to hire her for six 30-minute sessions which was the absolute cheapest package this gym offered, and besides, I didn't think I could even do 30 minutes, let alone an hour session.  I agreed to the package partly to shut her up, and partly to get me started.  I figured I could do one session a week for six weeks, and then I'd never see this Fla person again. 

After we scheduled our first session for later that week, I asked her where she was from and she said, "Italy."  I couldn't believe it because, you see, I'm part Italian and I love everything Italian!  What are the odds?  Out of all the trainers at that gym, and there were many, they assigned the only Italian to meet with me.  Had they not assigned her to me, our paths would never have crossed otherwise.  This HAD to be another omen!  

I had absolutely no idea that fateful day when I hired "this Fla person" to shut her up, that she would eventually become my biggest supporter and advocate, that she would push me to do things I never thought I could, and that she would take me out of my comfort zone that would give me confidence, all the while getting me closer to my weight goal.  In short, I had no idea "this Fla person" was going to change my life!  I say "eventually" because I was stubborn and it took me three months before I started listening to her.  She and I now have two anniversaries:  August 19 when we first met and November 29 when I actually started listening to her.

I continued to hire Fla for additional sessions over the next three months, and we trained once a week for 30 minutes.  I couldn't afford the one-hour sessions and, besides, Fla would kill me in an hour.  During these three months, I felt no special connection to Fla, she was just someone I hired to show me some exercises once a week.  I had hired trainers in the past and it was okay, it wasn't something I really enjoyed and this time was no different.  At this point, I was going to the gym pretty much every day to use the treadmill, I was going to Curves a couple of times a week, and I was walking around the neighborhood, too.  My weight, however, was not budging.  In those three months, I lost maybe 6 lbs. - which were part of the weight I had regained during my plateau.  

For these three months, Fla and I had exactly the same discussion every time:

Fla:   So how's the food?

Me:   It's fine.  I'm on WW.

Fla:   WW doesn't work.  You need to cancel it.

Me:   Yes, it does!  I lost 50 lbs. with WW!

And then we'd proceed to our 30-minute training session.  This was our exact conversation so often that I was getting really ticked off.  I'd think to myself, "What the hell does she care what I eat?!  She's just helping me exercise!"  I was getting so annoyed with her that I was seriously thinking of just not hiring her again once the last package of sessions I had already paid for were over.  How dare she ask me about my food, I was on WW and doing well on points, wasn't I?  I had lost 50 lbs. originally after all!  She's half my age, what does she know.

Then one day in late November, three months after we met, 16 months into my plateau, she asked me a question that would change everything for me.  After I once again, for the umpteenth time, told her that WW was working, she asked me this:  "If WW is working for you, then why aren't you losing weight?  You're here every day, you should be dropping weight.  It HAS to be the food!"  When she said that, it was another "forest-for-the-trees thing," another DUH! moment.  Why didn't I see it before?  I wasn't kidding when I said that my journey has not included anything earth shattering or new information that I came up with, the information was in front of me all along, but I just didn't see it, I wasn't listening, I didn't get it.  Sometimes it takes someone saying something completely obvious that ends up changing everything.

On that day, November 29, 2014, we agreed that when I saw her next I'd hand her my food diary for the previous week.  I did tell her, however, that if she was going to start telling me what to eat (this for breakfast, that for lunch, etc.) that this would never work for me.  She assured me that no, she wouldn't do that.  Instead, she said, she'd make suggestions.  I told her, "That's perfect!" although, honestly, I had no clue what to expect.

So the following week I copied over what I had tracked under WW already and handed it to her before our training session.  When she looked at it, her face lit up as though I handed her a large gift certificate to her favorite store!  She became excited and said, "Oh, my God!  I'm going to have to take this home to work on it!"  I wasn't sure why she reacted that way because I had done really well that week on WW points, especially knowing she was going to be reviewing my food diary.  I asked myself, "What could she change?"  Little did I know!

For the next few weeks, I'd hand her my latest food diary and she'd go through it with me.  Sometimes she took it home and we'd discuss it later.  Whenever I got it back, there would be circles around foods I had eaten followed with question marks, Xs to indicate Fla's displeasure over a specific item I had consumed, and I'd also get written comments like, "SERIOUSLY?????!!!!!!" or "ARE YOU KIDDING???!!!" and my favorite, "WHY????!!!!!" next to something I had eaten.

She also suggested I start using MyFitnessPal.com ("MFP") to track my meals.  I reminded her I was already tracking with WW, but she said just try MFP for two weeks.  So I did.  At this point, I was seeing success from working with Fla so I was beginning to trust her.  I went home and signed up to MFP.  Once you sign up, MFP will determine your daily calories allowance, as well as the other nutritional values, based on your gender, age, activity level, and present weight.  When I signed up to MFP, it told me I could consume 1,500 calories a day.   

WW and MFP are very similar in how they track meals.  The main difference is that WW only deals with points whereas MFP deals with calories and all the other nutritional values, too.  I really liked that MFP includes all other nutritional values even though I had no clue how to work with them.  They both have apps for Smart phones to access your account at any time, they both have scanner apps for Smart phones that allow a person to scan products' UPCs which pulls up the points for WW or nutritional values for MFP for a specific product, and they both have recipe builder programs (the one thing I personally needed).  The biggest difference in how they track is that under WW, most vegetables and fruits are zero points, but under MFP, you track EVERYTHING.  The other big difference is that MFP is free whereas WW charges a monthly fee. MFP does offer a premium account for a low monthly fee, but the free version was working for me just fine.  During the two weeks I tried MFP, I realized I hadn't used WW at all so not long after, I cancelled WW and used MFP exclusively which I'm still using today.  (Kudos to Mike Lee, the man who created MFP!!!!  THANK YOU!!!!)

At some point Fla told me that I could add her as a friend to my MFP account, and I did just that when I got home.  I sent her a text saying that I had, but I wasn't sure if I did it right.  Within seconds I got a message from Fla, "Egg white muffin McDonald's…OMG where can I comment??!!"  My response was, "F**k!  It works!"  I had no idea what I was getting myself into!  Suddenly I started getting texts on my cell phone throughout the day on any given day, such as "PASTA FOR DINNER???!!!!"  It turned out that by adding her to my MFP account, she could review my entries at any time - from anywhere!!!!  

A couple of months later Fla went to Japan for two weeks and I thought great, I'm on vacation, too!  While she was gone, one Saturday I had lunch with a friend at a Mexican restaurant (I love Mexican food) and I splurged.  I had done so well that I deserved to splurge for one meal, right?  Besides, Fla was in Japan and the last thing she was going to worry about was my eating habits.  Or so I thought.  The next day, on Sunday morning, I'm sitting in bed having my morning coffee, trying to talk myself into going to the gym, when I get an email from MFP saying someone had posted a comment to my account.  It could only be Fla.  Her entry read, "Refried beans, wine every night...someone's having a party!  Oh, already 54 push-ups are on our schedule!!!"  I emailed back, "OMG!  You're reviewing my food diary FROM JAPAN?????!!!!"  I was both flattered…and a little annoyed.  I felt like I had gotten caught with my hand in the cookie jar, and by a woman half my age, too!

I once told her, "The worst mistake I ever made was adding you as my friend to my MFP!"  Of course, I was kidding because this young woman was a godsend to me.  

The one thing Fla told me from the start of her monitoring my food diary was how impressed she was that I was eating a wide variety of foods while still tracking.  By this time I was back to cooking all the time and I like to try different recipes.  The key is to track everything.

Once I started listening to Fla, for the next month, I lost 14 lbs.!!!  In one month.  This, after being on a plateau for 16 months.  The one thing I'm grateful that I did on my own though is that because of my NEVER GIVE UP epiphany before I started my journey, I could continue instead of having to start all over from the beginning.  Had I given up, I'm certain I would have gained it all back in no time.  I had always given up in the past and always had to start from the very beginning which is disillusioning and disheartening in itself.  If I had gained it all back, I'm sure I would never have joined TW, I never would have met Fla, and I probably wouldn't have lost any weight again.  I certainly wouldn't be where I am today.  From that point on, Fla was the boss of me and we went from my fighting her to my becoming putty in her hands. 

Thanks to my "blue-haired tormentor," as I began to call her affectionately (well, not so much affectionately in the beginning), I lost a measly 6 pounds during the three months I was being stubborn, but once I started listening to her in November 2014, I dropped another 69 lbs. by August 2015!  It had taken me almost two years to lose 40 lbs. on my own, but with her help, I lost 75 lbs. in one year for a grand total weight loss of 115 lbs.!  Never in my life would I have believed for one second that I, the person who failed for more than 30 years in the weight department, could lose 115 lbs.  Never!  Even today doubt crosses my mind and I fear that I must have made a mistake on the math.  I often take out my calculator and work out the numbers again and again because it's incredulous to me that I could have lost that much.  Thankfully, the numbers confirm it.  Amazing!

When I started seeing results once again, I had another epiphany, another "forest-for-the-trees thing":  do something until it stops working, then reassess and modify.  WW had worked for me initially and I stubbornly kept at it even though it had clearly stopped working for me more than a year before.  I'm very loyal and so I stayed with it out of loyalty, not because it was benefiting me anymore.  WW had been great for awhile, but it was now time to move on to something else.  It took three doctors and Fla to push me into this realization that I had to try something different.  I don't dwell (too much) on the fact that I wasted more than a year on a plateau because the end result was a valuable learning experience for me.  

I'm a loner by nature and although I have close friends I've known for 20, 30, 40 years, mostly I do things myself on my own.  I’m not a buddy-type person, I'm definitely not a group-type person.  I'm a team member when I have to be, but I rather do things on my own and not rely on anyone else.  I've always been a fiercely independent person to the point where I just don't know how to ask for help.  With this in mind, the connection I've developed with Fla has really blown me away.  I've hired trainers in the past and I worked with them for awhile, but none have ever helped me the way Fla has.  Somehow she and I clicked.  Maybe I didn't give the other trainers enough time, who knows.  I would never have guessed that I would allow someone else to "rule" me the way I let Fla.  But then again, I've never had anyone in my life who's been 100% there for me, pushing me, not taking any of my excuses or complaining, who doesn't let me get away with anything, who pushes me out of my comfort zone kicking and screaming.
 

She often says, "We're doing it!" and I tease her with, "What's this 'WE' stuff?!  I'm the only one doing all the work!"  Of course, I'm only joking because it is a joint effort.  My success is her success.  Even though I pay Fla for her time, she's investing herself to help me and I don't want to disappoint her.  Before I met Fla, I never really used texting, but since Fla and I clicked, we text each other all the time.  I'm so appreciative that she's always there for me.  When we haven't communicated for a couple of days, I'll get a text from her asking, "How's my Vilma?"  She used to call me her personal project and with time she became "My Fla" and I became "My Vilma" to her.  She now also calls me "My Skinny Vilma."  

She's been my conscience many times over because I can hear her voice in my head either approving or disapproving something I'm doing or not doing.  Sometimes I have entire conversations in my head with the "ghost" of Fla.  For example, on one occasion I didn't want to go the gym, no desire to go at all even though I knew I should because I had already taken a day or two off.  I had convinced myself that I was going to take another day off from working out, but I kept hearing Fla's voice in my head.  Finally, I decided to just go and get it over with.  Fla, of course, had no idea I was having this dilemma, but I jokingly texted her, "Okay, okay!  Stop nagging me!  I'm going to the gym!"

When she was monitoring my diary (she hasn't in months because I've gotten the hang of it) and I wanted to eat something I knew I shouldn't, I'd think to myself, "If I eat this, Fla will see it on MFP" so I would make a healthier choice - most of the time, not always.  When I didn't, I was prepared for Fla's wrath which usually meant additional push ups for me, my most dreaded exercise.  She'd often text me, "I'm watching!"

In the end, the events I saw as omens and meeting my blue-haired tormentor changed everything for me.  I'm glad I listened.  I'm very grateful to this young woman and I always tell Fla, "I wish I had met you 20 years        ago -- of course, you were only 6 years old then!"

My weight while working with Fla dropped fast in the beginning, then tapered off to an average of about 7 lbs. a month.  That may not seem like much, but I'll take it!  My journey with Fla has been amazing, but I still experienced plateaus, gains or no changes at all over several weeks, and several setbacks, too:

The most traumatic setback I experienced almost immediately after seeing results with Fla's help, was the loss of my beloved and adored cat, Chaos, in December 2014.  He was an amazing animal.  He was crazy (a better name for him than Chaos did not exist!) and acted more like a dog than a cat.  We'd even play fetch and hide and seek often.  He was gorgeous, too.  He was so full of personality that just seeing his little face always made me smile and his antics always made me laugh.  He was always with me, my ever present companion.  When I cooked for long periods of time, I'd put the step ladder out for him in the kitchen and he'd jump up on the top step and would sit there with me for hours.  When I scrubbed my kitchen floor on my hands and knees, he'd be right beside me.  He would greet me at the door and would wait for me by the back door if I went to the back yard.  

Anyone who knows me well, knows that my animals are everything to me.  Losing him was a shock and it was devastating, particularly because it was unexpected and quick.  One minute he's cuddling with me, an hour later we're at the animal emergency hospital in the middle of the night discussing his euthanasia.  He was only 9 years old, but a blood clot paralyzed his hind legs and in minutes his life was over.  It always takes me many months to get over the death of one of my animals and I was really worried that losing Chaos, whom I adored, would throw me off my journey.  Although I did falter a bit, I didn't give up.  I was destroyed for months after losing him the way I did.  In the past, deep sadness was another excuse to overeat and give up on any weight-loss program.  Not this time.  There were many times the tears were rolling down my face while using the treadmill at the gym, but I never gave up.  This time I realized that I could still grieve for him without giving up on myself.

Around this time, my mother fell walking Mitzi and dislocated her arm and broke her shoulder.  She required surgery and her recuperation would be long.  Once again I was tasked to help her out more which, again, was no big deal for me except for having my schedule with Fla thrown out of whack.  Thankfully, Fla was able to work her schedule around mine so I could keep training at least a couple of times a week.

I also experienced several physical problems along the way.  The first day Fla and I met for our very first training session, I did an exercise incorrectly and hurt my neck that caused a pinched nerve which then caused my arm to go numb off and on each day.  It took a few months and physical therapy before the pain went away.  Even now my neck will stiffen from time to time.

My already bad (arthritic) knee, which had been in pain 24/7 for years, would scream even louder than normal and I'd have to take some time off working out until it got better.  

There were times I got very frustrated because I wasn't losing anything or I gained, but Fla would remind me that a lot of it was due to building muscle which weighs more.  Considering my body was definitely shrinking (my clothes were getting looser) despite the scale's lack of cooperation, it was probably true.  She told me that once I stopped worrying about the numbers on the scale, the weight would come off again.  She was right and I continued to see success.

So once again my epiphany of NEVER GIVE UP came in handy in not throwing me off my journey despite setbacks, plateaus, gains, or physical ailments.

Along the way, I noticed one subtle change, too.  Even after losing about 40-50 lbs. within two years and knowing I hadn't given up during that time (which was the longest I had ever maintained a weight-loss program ever), in the back of my head I was always fearful that some day I'd gain it all back and that I'd end up in the 300s again or, worse yet, in the 400s.  I bet alcoholics and drug addicts have the same fear, that they'll lose their way again.  It's a fear that sits in the back of your mind, out of the way, but whispers all the time, "Maybe again some day…"  It was a viable fear because I had failed time and time again in the past.   

After losing about 70 or 80 lbs. thanks to Fla, I realized this fear was no longer whispering to me.  The thought was gone.  In its place was the certainty that I would never allow myself to go back to that again.  My relationship with food has completely changed once and for all.  Food is not what makes me happy any longer.  What makes me happy now is the incredible reactions I get from people who knew me as a 300-lb. woman and know about my transformation, it's the fact that I no longer have to worry about fitting somewhere, it's the fact that my BMI (now 27.4, down from 43.9) shows I'm "just" overweight now and soon I'll be considered normal, it's the fact that I have enough energy and stamina now to do things, and it's the fact that I'm no longer waiting for death because now I have a future.  THESE are the things that make me happy and that's what I feed on (pun intended) now!