How my exercise program evolved

Have I mentioned already that I just HATE exercising?  In my entire life I've never been able to keep up with any exercise program for long.  I was sedentary for years in-between any "program" I started and so I always had to start all over again from scratch.  It was very disillusioning because I had no patience to stay with it for long.  The exercise of choice for me was walking.  It wasn't that I particularly enjoyed walking, but it was the exercise I hated the least.  It's free, it's relatively easy, and I could go anytime.  When I was younger, I tried jogging but now with my bad (arthritic) knee, I can't run anymore - not to mention my body was too big to be running. 

I don't know how many people suggested through the years that I take up swimming as a form of exercise.  They'd say, "Just find a pool and go swimming."  Uh, yeah, right.  If I don't feel comfortable walking around my neighborhood fully clothed, do you honestly think I'm going to put on a bathing suit and go swimming with a bunch of strangers????  Seriously???!!!!  It's a shame, too, because I love the water.

One of the things I've come to realize in my old age is that no matter what you do, no matter how successful you are, there will always be at least one person who'll tell you that you're doing it wrong or that what you're doing isn't good enough.  In the past, I would take it to heart and I'd give up.

For example, if I was starting a new exercise program by walking, say, three times a week, someone would come along and tell me that it wasn't good enough, I had to walk more often in order for it to make a difference.  If I was walking for 20 minutes each time, someone would come along and say that's not good enough, I should be walking 30 minutes or more each time to make a difference.  If I said it took me an hour to walk 2 miles, someone would come along and tell me that this wasn't fast enough.  When I joined Curves, I read reviews that Curves doesn't work and people are wasting their time and money.  It never failed, someone was always ready to tell me that what I was doing was worthless.  The "someone" could be a friend, coworker, family member, an article I read, a report on TV/radio, or research results reported.  So what did I do?  I gave up.  After all, why waste my time doing something that's worthless when I don't even enjoy it in the first place?

What I completely forgot to consider is that I had to start somewhere, that it was going to be a slow process, and that if I kept it up, eventually I would get stronger, faster, and my endurance would improve.  I forgot that I had to do what was right for ME, and not worry about other people and what they could do in comparison or what they thought I should do.

This time around, I ignored everything people said or things I read and concentrated on what was working for ME.  Yes, perhaps I wasn't walking as often or as far or as fast as I should be, but I had to start somewhere and it was better than what I had been doing up to that point, i.e., nothing.  As for Curves, yes, maybe it wasn't the best gym to join and maybe it didn't work for long, but what the critics failed to understand is that when someone's morbidly obese, the act of joining and going to any gym is a HUGE accomplishment and Curves was a good start for me.  The only thing that mattered was to keep exercising regularly.

So I closed my ears to any naysayers and I told myself to just move, just do something because something was better than nothing, which is what I had been doing all along.  I had to do what was right for ME and the hell with everyone else.  The words "just move" were always in my head.

Once I lost 25 lbs. in about three months with Weight Watchers, I started walking around the neighborhood just as I told myself I would.  I bought a handful of men's T-shirts with a breast pocket for my iPod (it's nearly impossible to find women's T-shirts that have a breast pocket and, also, men's shirts are longer), I got some stretchy workout pants that were comfortable, and invested on good walking shoes.  At the time I weighed in the 270s and I had been sedentary for many years so walking was difficult, especially because of my bad knee which always hurt. 

Initially, I could only walk about half a mile (if that) only on a flat surface and it took me a long time to walk just that.  My legs felt like they were encased in cement and walking felt like I was trudging through a muddy lake.  My body was heavy, I already had a bad knee that screamed in pain 24/7 so walking was not pleasant at all.  When I started, I told myself to just walk for a certain amount of time and not worry about speed or distance.  The only thing I cared about was moving for a certain amount of time.  At first it was for about 10 to 15 minutes.  I had to start slow because I was so out of shape and my body was heavy so I told myself that the only important thing was to just move for those minutes.  

I started walking two times a week, then increased it to three times a week, and eventually I was walking almost every day.  Slowly I increased the time to 30 minutes and, again, I told myself not to worry about distance or speed.  Eventually I could walk 45 minutes to an hour.  As the weight kept dropping and I felt more comfortable walking, then I started worrying about the speed and distance.  I eventually started walking some inclines, too.  A lot of the streets around my house have steady inclines so I have lots to choose from.  The first time I took an incline, I nearly died.  I contemplated calling a cab to take me the rest of the way which was only two blocks to my door!

I also walked to do some of my errands to be doubly productive.  For example, my mechanic is 3 miles away so I'd drop my car off and then walked home.  I always took it in when I wouldn't need my car for that day so that I could pick it up the next day and get another 3 miles in.  I also walked to the post office which is 1 mile away to mail bills.

Some people enjoy walking at the local track, but I find tracks so incredibly boring that it makes me want to blow my brains out.  It's so boring to go in circles over and over again and somehow I always lose count, "Was that the 3rd lap or the 4th?"  I rather walk around the neighborhood where the scenery changes as you proceed.  When I started working on the distance, I'd drive my car over my walking paths to clock the mileage.

It took many months, but I was seeing improvement in endurance, speed, and distance.  The biggest setback I had along the way was debilitating shin splints that rendered me incapable of walking at all and I had to stop completely for a few weeks to let them heal.  Then when I returned to walking again, the shin splints returned with a vengeance and by then I was having a lot of pain in my feet, too.  As I explained in "How I lost my first 40 lbs.," I had to go to a podiatrist who worked with me for four months until he figured out the right orthopedic inserts for my shoes.  So after four months of barely walking for exercise, I had to virtually start all over again to build up my endurance and speed.  In the past, this would have been a reason to completely give up.  Not this time.  I refused to give up even if I had to start from scratch over and over again.  I was not going to let the universe win again!

In the spring of 2014, I joined Curves again to get me started going to a gym.  I explained in "My weight through the years" how Curves works, but basically you have to go around the circuit twice to be done in 30 minutes.  The circuit is always the same although in between the machines, you choose what floor exercises you want to do, the idea is to just keep moving.  The first week, I could only complete half the circuit and even then I felt like collapsing from exhaustion.  It was incredible how little I could do, but I kept going and, slowly, I could see my strength and endurance improving.  I also tried a couple of their Zumba classes.  They were a lot of fun but, man, they were tough especially in the beginning!  Some of the ladies attending the class were in their 70s and they were doing so much more than I could.  With time, I outgrew Curves and I cancelled it before the first year was up.

Oh, and by the way, regarding how the universe is always throwing a wrench into my plans...guess what business is located right next door to the Curves I joined?  None other than a French pastry cafe!!!  My biggest weakness, pastries, right next door.  When I saw that, I just laughed.  I was good though, I never went in there because I knew it would be a HUGE mistake to do so.  After a while, I kind of, sort of (not really) forgot it was even there.

Not long after I joined Curves, I fell down some steps and severely sprained my left ankle, my left elbow, and my left wrist.  I was laid up for months, literally, and there was nothing I could do with one entire bad side of my body.  Thanks to physical therapy, I recovered within a few months well enough to start exercising again.  Once again, I had to start all over again from scratch, but I kept going.

By August 2014, I was ready to join a regular gym but not quite yet ready for a co-ed gym.  Luckily, Total Woman ("TW"), which is for women only, has a location near me so that was perfect for me.  I started by just using the treadmill every day.  I'd set my Smart phone on my favorite show, put my headphones on, and away I'd go.  Once a week I trained with Flaminia ("Fla"), a TW trainer, for 30 minutes, too.  Not only could I not afford hour-long sessions, I thought Fla would kill me if I trained with her for a full hour!  

Starting in November 2014, once I "clicked" with Fla, my exercise program completely changed and continues to evolve.

First off, she put me on a treadmill circuit.  Every few minutes I was to change the inclination and speed until I finished my usual 45-minute walk.  As time progressed and the circuit became too easy, I asked Fla for another one, and then another one, and yet another one later.  I was really enjoying these circuits and I could see a major improvement in my endurance and speed.  And then...my bad knee said, "I don't think so!"  

Many years ago I had surgery to repair a meniscus tear in my left knee, but it's never been the same and then it developed arthritis, too.  It didn't help I was carrying a 300-lb. frame for over a decade either.  A good day is when it doesn't hurt too much but it's been hurting 24/7 for years. Sometimes it renders me bed ridden.  At this moment, thanks to the treadmill circuits I was enjoying, my knee was killing me.  Every step was painful on the treadmill, throughout the day, and the pain would wake me up several times during the night, too.  There were days I just went home and put my leg up, iced the knee, and didn't move very much the rest of the day.  Eventually I had to stop using the treadmill altogether for many weeks.  The pain was just too much and it needed time to heal as best as it was going to.  Talk about disappointing!  Here I was, almost enjoying the ONE exercise I tolerated and now I can't even do that anymore.  Again, I didn't give up.  Eventually I was able to use the treadmill again but for the umpteenth time, I had to start from scratch again:  low speeds, short times, and infrequently.  It took me many months but eventually I was able to once again walk for an hour while increasing the speed back to 3.6 m.p.h. which for me is a good pace.  However, I still can't do inclines or my knee will scream again.  That's okay, at least I'm able to walk.

At one point when I first joined TW, I tried the elliptical machine because I heard often that it's good for the knees.  I don't know if I did something wrong or the elliptical doesn't work for me, but after I used it for 10 minutes, my knee hurt so bad that I was laid up in bed for two days afterwards.  I haven't used it since because I'm afraid to try again. 

For months Fla kept telling me to use the stationary bike instead of the treadmill because the bike is better on the knees, but as much as I hate exercising, I truly, truly hate the bike more.  Even when I was a kid I hated the bike.  Those seats are horrible, they always hurt and they always dig in the wrong place.  I just never enjoyed bicycles, let alone those strictly used for exercise that go nowhere.  However, when my knee prevented me from walking, I switched to the bike.  By now the rule of never giving up was ingrained in my brain.  If I couldn't use the treadmill, then I'd use whatever I could.   

When Fla and I started to train, I was a mess.  I have a bad knee, my left wrist and elbow were still healing from a bad sprain months before, because my abs were worthless I'd often get lower back pain when we tried to do certain exercises, and I also hurt my neck the very first time we trained and it gets stiff from time to time even today.  And by the way, I have asthma, too.  Luckily, I use my inhaler before any exertion and I've never had a problem with the asthma although sometimes breathing is a little harder than normal.  In the past, any physical ailment would have thwarted me from any exercise program because it was too painful or too hard to continue and I'd give up.  Not this time.  Any time I had an injury/ailment, I dealt with it and went back to working out as soon as I could, even if it meant starting over from the beginning time and time again.

I was such a mess in fact, that Fla confessed to me many months later that she had to ask another trainer how to handle a client who had a bad knee, bad wrist, bad elbow, bad back, and bad neck!  But in the end, we overcame it all.  Fla always told me that if I ever ended up on crutches or a wheelchair, I'd still have to come in and train with her because we could find things for me to do.  During the entire time I've been working out with Fla, if I felt pain anywhere (not soreness from working out but actual pain to indicate something's wrong) during any exercise, she's been able to modify the exercise so I can still do it but without pain.  We did away with a few exercises completely because no matter what we tried, it still hurt a lot.  Also, I can't run or jump at all so that limits the cardio I can do.  The bottom line is that we were able to do something despite my physical ailments. 

I get bored very easily in general, and I often joke that I have the attention span of a Tsetse fly.  Throughout our time together working out, Fla is always coming up with new circuits of floor exercises for me to do, which is great because I'm never bored.  Whenever I meet with her, I have no idea what she has in store for me that day.  I often tease her that she must've been drinking when she came up with the circuits to torture me!  For many months when I started working with her, I was always worried beforehand that I wouldn't be able to physically do what she wanted me to do and sometimes I really couldn't, but we always managed to do something.  Although she pushes me, she trains me at my speed, and I haven't worried about being unable to do things for months.   

At the time, Fla was teaching various classes at TW, including spinning, and although I was curious what her classes were about, I was too shy to try because, after all, "I can't do that because I'm too fat."  Then one day Fla said to me, "Okay, so next week we're training on Tuesday morning as normal.  You'll have 30 minutes of recovery, and then you're attending my spin class after that."  I was horrified.  Me - in a spin class????  Are you joking???!!!  I had been using the stationary bike off and on, but I had never used it for an hour and I certainly didn't push myself when Fla wasn't around (when she was, she'd come by and would turn up the resistance).  She said that I could just sit there for an hour and pedal, I could take breaks, I didn't have to worry about standing up on the bike, or I could sit there and do nothing.  The only caveat was that I could NOT leave the room until the class was over.  There went my escape route.  I had already been thinking that I would go for 15 minutes or so and then I'd leave.  Well, that went out the window.

Needless to say, I was not happy about this.  For two days before the actual class, I was really worried I wouldn't be able to do it.  That old fear of being embarrassed or proving my limitations came back.  The ever present "I can't" was screaming in my head.  And then it dawned on me like someone slapping me upside the head:   just do what you can.  So I went.  Fla set up my bike for me, showed me how it worked, and for the next hour, I just pedaled.  The other ladies were standing up, sprinting, changing the resistance, etc. as Fla instructed them to do, but I did none of that.  I just sat there and pedaled for an hour.  When the class was over, I couldn't believe I had done it.  In a million years, I would never have attended a spin class - ever.  Knowing the instructor, of course, made it much easier to go to such a class (not that I had a choice since Fla was holding me hostage and wouldn't let me leave). 

What I didn't realize at the time is that after that first spin class, Fla expected me to attend EVERY week after that!  Good grief, every week go to spin class?  But I did.  It took about four weeks before that bike seat stopped hurting and during those four weeks, it was incredibly painful to sit on that bike for even a few minutes, let alone an hour.  I was naïve in thinking Fla would let me get away with just pedaling for an hour though.  My first rude awakening was the third time I attended her class.  This is how I described it to my friends:  So I'm sitting on this bike, pedaling away, looking straight down and trying to tune out my misery by concentrating on the music.  The sweat is pouring off me onto the floor, my hair is in my face.  I'm just listening to the music when out of nowhere, this hand comes into my field of vision and cranks up the resistance knob on my bike.  Fla strikes again!  I hadn't even realized she was walking around the room.  Good grief!  From then on, during every class, she'd come by at least once (usually more often) and would turn up my resistance or would call my name out over her microphone and would tell me to do it myself.  Or, my favorite, if I happened to glance over at her during class, she'd immediately start pointing her finger to the ceiling which indicated to me I had to raise the resistance on my bike.  That finger was meant only for me.

There were days when I had to take many breaks, there were days where I couldn't keep up at all, but there were days when I did really well.  The only thing I couldn't do was pedal while standing up but that's okay, I was there, I was pedaling, and I was getting better.  The one phenomenon about spin though is that the clock seems to stop ticking when I'm in spin class.  I'll be pedaling forever thinking, "Okay, it's gotta be 20 minutes into the class by now" and then I look at the clock and barely five minutes have gone by!  UGH!  But I kept going.  Even when Fla quit teaching spin at TW in April 2015, I continued going to spin with other instructors - only because Fla said I couldn't stop.  I have to say that Fla gets me to do things I never would otherwise.  There used to be a lot of arguing and balking on my part (the "I can'ts" were the most often spoken words out of my mouth) about what she wanted me to do, but by hook or crook, bless her heart, she got me doing it all.

At some point, Fla also put me on a machine circuit to do on my own once a week.  It includes about seven weight machines and I've been increasing the repetitions and/or weight as time goes on.  When I'm not in the mood to do the circuit, I remind myself that it's only once a week and I can certainly do anything once a week.  After I complete the circuit, I always feel great that I did it (mostly that it's over).

In late 2014, TW had some specials running on training sessions and I bought a bunch of them before the discounts expired.  Because now I had tons of sessions accrued and I was beginning to trust her, Fla and I started training twice a week and soon enough three times a week.  Since we started working out three times a week, Fla has me working on legs and abs one day, arms the next, and cardio the third which has been boxing usually.  All along, the dreaded push ups, too.  The rest of the time I was attending spin class once a week, walking outside, or using the treadmill.  Plus I had the machine circuit once a week, too.  Eventually, I was working out almost every day.  This, from a woman who had been sedentary for years.  Sometimes I'd walk around asking, "Who IS this Vilma?"

I have to comment on push ups.  In my ENTIRE life I have never been able to do even one push up.  Regardless of my weight, I had no upper body strength whatsoever.  Of course, the heavier I got, the more impossible they became.  Fla loves push ups (or just likes to torture me) and from the beginning, she's had me doing push ups.  For many months I struggled and could barely do them, but eventually I could do 60 female-version push ups (broken up in three sets) and I could do men's push ups, too!  I still can't do them very well, particularly the men's version, but I'm doing them.  Although I'm still not crazy about push ups, I really like it that I can do them.  (Don't tell Fla or she'll make me do more of them!)

In April 2015, Fla informed me that she would be quitting TW, and I was devastated.  I said, "I KNEW you'd leave me!"  What would I do now?  My only supporter was leaving me.  Fla teaches at various different gyms, but some are too far or too pricey for me.  I liked TW because I felt comfortable there.  No one cares what you look like, what you're doing, what you're wearing.  The women that go to that gym are of every age and size you can imagine.  I really didn't want to go to another gym and I couldn't afford two gyms either and I'd rather spend my money for training sessions.

She kept telling me not to worry, that I was her "special project" and she wouldn't leave me, that things would work out, but I was really disappointed because I had just started to work with her and seeing major results.  For a few days I was bummed out.  Here was the universe trying to sabotage me again.  I was afraid of what would happen to me without my Fla, but by then I had gotten a handle on the food and I decided not all was lost yet.  She had given me an excellent start so I figured I would just have to hire another trainer to keep me going.  I doubted I would have the same connection with someone else, but I would never have guessed Fla and I were going to work out as well as we did either.

Luckily, Fla started working at a gym where trainers take their clients which means I would not have to pay to join this gym, I would just pay Fla for the sessions and the cost was about the same as I had been paying at TW.  Whew!  In the end, it worked out perfectly for both of us.  This new gym is only 1.5 miles away from my house so depending on the weather, I walk there, train with her, and walk home.  We continue to train three times a week and the rest of the time I go to TW to use the treadmill, attend spin class once a week (with other instructors), I do the machine circuit once a week, and I also walk outside depending on the weather.  I also take Mitzi, my mother's dog, on 3-mile walks now and then when weather allows.  That dog is the poster dog for "how to walk a dog on a leash" (Cesar Millan would be proud!)  She gets on my left side and we walk briskly for 3 miles.  She stops when I stop, she walks when I walk, she turns when I turn.  I don't even have to say anything or pull her leash.  Often I have to look down to make sure she's still there because the leash is so slack as she stays up with my pace.

I also tried Pilates in the summer of 2015 for five sessions with another trainer (I told Fla that I was cheating on her!).  Because I was going to the gym so often, all the trainers got to know me, particularly since they were friends with Fla.  One day I was curious about Pilates and started asking questions.  I knew they used a couple of sadistic-looking contraptions with ropes, loops, and springs (later I learned one is called the tower and the other one is called the reformer), but I had no idea what Pilates was all about.  I decided to try it out and bought five one-hour sessions.  After the sessions were over, I decided Pilates was not really for me.  I realize that with Pilates you have to get the basics down before you build on what you're doing, but I didn't have the patience to stay with it, and, honestly, I just didn't get it either.  When the trainer said for me to "cinch your rib cage together," I was dumbfounded.  What?   I have enough trouble squeezing my abs or my glutes when Fla tells me to, now I have to figure out how to bring my bones together?  However, I'm really glad I tried it.

In the beginning, when I started my journey, and I was just walking outside, I had to force myself to go every single time.  I've never been a morning person but now I had no excuse so I started going in the mornings to get it out of the way because if I waited until the evening, I'd talk myself out of it or I'd be too tired or too bored to go.  When I joined Curves, I had to force myself to go.  When I joined TW, the same thing, I had to force myself to go.  It took many months, probably a year or more, but eventually working out became something I just had to do during my day.  I even started coordinating my schedule around working out.  For example, I scheduled appointments early in the day or late afternoon so I wouldn’t have an excuse not to work out during the day.  When I had scheduled appointments with Fla, it was easy because I'm not the type who misses appointments so it got me there no matter what. 

A friend recently said that I'm probably the type of person who now misses not working out.  I assured her that this was farthest from the truth.  When I take a day or two off, I don't miss it at all.  The difference now is that I know it's a temporary break.  It has to be temporary because I can easily just stop going altogether.  Whereas before I had to force myself to go and I'd spend hours trying to talk myself into going, now I don't even think about it and I just go.  Even on those infrequent occasions that I really, really don't want to go, I tell myself, "Just do 20 minutes on the treadmill" and that's what I do.  Anything is better than nothing.  

After all this time I can't say I enjoy working out anymore than I ever did, but I absolutely love the results.  I'm stronger, my endurance is improving all the time, I have much more energy, I can see the muscle definition that exercising regularly is creating all the while losing weight, and I can actually see that I can do more as time passes.  More importantly, I feel terrific!

Fla and I now laugh (mostly she laughs) when we reminisce about our first meeting when I kept telling her I just needed her to show me the machines and "I'll do my own thing."  There is not one exercise that Fla's had me do that I couldn't have done on my own.  The problem is I just won't.  I have absolutely no discipline when it comes to doing floor exercises on my own.  I realized soon enough that I need Fla to push me and cajole me into doing them.  Like I said before, somehow, she gets me to do what I never thought I could - nor what other trainers before her could get me to do.

It occurred to me recently that's it's funny how things evolved.  In the past, whenever I started any type of exercise "program," I'd start with a vengeance and strong dedication but soon enough that would wane and I'd give up entirely.  This time around, I did the opposite:  I started very slow and built it up a little at a time until eventually I was doing so much more and doing it more frequently than ever before.  This worked out really well for me, especially considering I had to keep starting over from scratch time and time again thanks to the universe trying to thwart me off my path.