Back on track!!!!!!!!

If you've been reading my recent posts, you know that I've been struggling for several weeks.  When I struggle, it means I'm having binging episodes or trying to fight the urge to binge, but usually it's the former. 

As I explained in my post titled "Still struggling, but hanging in there," binging is a disorder that is ingrained in some of us, and it's an incredibly difficult urge to resist.  It's like trying to change your instinct, nearly impossible to fight it.  When I struggle, losing weight is out of the question and the best I can hope for is that I don't gain too much weight for I will gain weight, there's no doubt about that.  Despite any struggles I've experienced during my weight-loss journey, I've NEVER considered giving up though.  It's been more an issue of hanging on until I can get back on track and continue to succeed.

I explained that when I'm motivated, it's a palpable feeling, I can literally feel like a switch has been turned on in my brain, and I have absolutely no trouble staying on track.  When I'm motivated, I wonder why I ever thought it was so hard to lose weight in the first place.  (The "why" becomes perfectly clear when I'm struggling.)

When I published my blog in late August 2015, I had lost 117 lbs. by then, but I started struggling almost immediately thanks to life getting in the way and causing an upheaval in my emotional state.  During this most recent struggle, I gained/lost the same 3-5 lbs. over and over and over again, but I hung on through sheer determination.  Motivation was on vacation for these six weeks and all I could do was white knuckle it until it was over. 

As of about two weeks ago, the switch came back on, albeit slowly, but I'm now fully motivated again.  I'm back on track, at least for the time being.   I say "for the time being" because I never know what tomorrow has in store for me or how I'll react to whatever problem awaits me.   This journey has taught me to take things just one day at a time and not worry about the future. 

Since I began my weight-loss journey in December 2012, I've struggled many times along the way.  The worst so far, of course, was when I got stuck on what would turn out to be a 16-month plateau (thank God I had no idea when it started how long it'd actually last) and thanks to finally listening to my trainer Flaminia ("Fla"), the plateau ended in November 2014 and I've been losing weight consistently since.  Although I've continued to struggle here and there since working with Fla, those episodes were short lived, maybe a day or two here and there with the worst being about a week.   This most recent struggle was the longest at about six weeks, but I hung on.  Although I get frustrated at myself when I'm struggling, I don't let it get to me too much, I don't consider it a failure at all, and I NEVER consider giving up.  Like I said, I just hang on and wait until the bumpy ride is over.

People often tell me that whenever they try to lose weight, they reach a plateau or they lose their way momentarily and that's when they get frustrated and give up altogether.  What I tell everyone is:  "DO NOT GIVE UP!   Even if you're struggling, hang on because when you find that motivation again - no matter how long it takes to find it, you want to continue your journey and not have to start all over again from the beginning.  DON'T GIVE UP!"  Even if you gain back a few pounds, it's okay, don't give up.  It's still better than gaining it all back!   When I was on my 16-month plateau, I gained/lost the same 15 lbs. over and over again and when the plateau was done torturing me, I still had 10 of those pounds to lose … again.  But because I didn't give up, I was still 40 lbs. lighter and I was able to continue instead of having to start all over again from the beginning.

I realize that saying, "Don't give up!" is easier said than done.  I know first hand after more than 30 years of failure, but I also know first hand now what it's like to hang on, wait it out, and continue to succeed once motivation is regained.   It's much better to be on this side of the spectrum, let me tell you!   The rewards for succeeding are unparalleled.

Despite my recent struggles, hanging on paid off once again because as of this morning, I weighed 185 lbs. which means I've lost 121 lbs. since I started my journey.  Right now I'm "only" 25 lbs. from my goal of 160 lbs.   Whether I reach my goal or not, I still lost 121 lbs. and no one can take that away from me but me.  When you want to give up, keep this in mind.