She's baaccckkk!!!!

In August, my trainer, Flaminia ("Fla"), left for about two weeks to attend The Burning Man Festival in the desert near Reno, Nevada.  She didn't have cell phone reception in the desert so we didn't communicate at all during that time.  Fla left me a strict workout schedule which I followed during her absence.  My weight didn't budge.

Once she returned, she didn't stay long and left again for Switzerland, Italy, and Paris for two weeks.  At least this time we had email communication so she could continue to torture me long distance.  She returned home yesterday and this morning we trained again.  During her absence, I exercised regularly, but my weight didn't budge.

So the answer is clear:  Fla can never leave again until I reach my goal of 160 lbs.!  Or, at the very least, she has to take me with her when she goes on exciting trips to Europe (I'll pass on Reno)! 

All joking aside, I posted on October 4 that I had been struggling with binging for several weeks thanks to the universe disrupting my emotional happiness.  Although I've improved in how I deal with binging, usually caused by negative emotions triggered by events out of my control, I haven't been able to prevent it from happening altogether. 

During these many precarious weeks, I gained/lost the same 3 lbs. over and over again and fluctuated from 189 to 192 lbs.  It may not seem like a big deal, it's only 3 lbs. after all, but anyone who has a food addiction knows that one binging episode can be overwhelmingly damaging and it can lead to a lifetime of binging.  As I stated before, I now recognize that my binging episodes are going to happen so I don't let my transgressions get to me too much.  I now see them as momentary lapses rather than failures.  With that said, however, I have to always be cognizant not to let it go beyond a momentary lapse.  When I'm struggling with my food addiction, my only goal is not to gain too much - forget about wanting to lose additional weight.  So although 3 lbs. isn't that big of a deal at face value, when I'm struggling, having gained "only" 3 lbs. is monumental. 

This past week I did well and as of this morning I once again weighed 190 lbs.  I'm not quite back on track yet, but I'm getting there.  During my journey, whenever I'm on track, it's been a palpable feeling of being completely motivated.  After one of my previous binging episodes, it literally felt like a switch was turned on that put me back on track.  Right now, today, I don't feel like that switch has been triggered yet.  In fact, I feel a bit vulnerable right now, like another negative event can easily send me back to a binging abyss.  The only thing I can do at this point is to take it one day at a time, one week at a time.  Hopefully, now that Fla's back and my normal routine has been restored, the switch will be triggered again soon so that I can continue succeeding.  For the time being though, I'm hanging in there and that's the best I can hope for when I'm struggling.  The key (as I keep stating) is to NEVER GIVE UP!  Struggling is okay, giving up is not.