If you've been reading my blog, you know what an amazing influence Flaminia ("Fla"), my trainer, has been to me this past year. Prior to meeting her, I lost 40 lbs. on my own in almost two years, but it wasn't until I met Fla that things really turned around for me. Thanks to her, I've lost over 80 lbs. since we met just a little over a year ago in August 2014.
Fla's been instrumental in my weight-loss success and has literally changed my life. She not only taught me how to eat better, she continually developed my exercise program to the point where I'm more active now than ever before. This was no small feat after a lifelong battle living in obesity, particularly the last 15 years or so when I reached the all-time high of 300 lbs. in my early 40s where I remained for more than a decade. By the time I reached my highest weight, I had been almost completely sedentary already.
Right
now Fla's in New York for two weeks for her photography business. Whenever she goes out of town, I always miss
her while a tiny part of me thinks, "Yippee! I'm on vacation!" which is silly since I
continue to work out during her absence and she continues to monitor me with
texts from wherever she is that read, "Have you gone to the gym yet?"
or "Guess who's doing the machine circuit today?" I was already anticipating that I'd miss her
during her two-week absence, but she threw me for a loop early last week when she informed me that she's moving
to New York permanently in a couple of months.
I was no longer thinking, "Yippee!" and it actually made me really,
really sad that she's leaving me.
I
always knew that some day she'd move on, but I wish it wasn't quite just
yet. I don't know when I'd think it'd be
the right time, but it's not just yet when I'm so close to my goal. It's completely selfish on my part, of
course. As I always tease her,
"It's all about ME!" I've
never had anyone in my life who's been such a positive influence on me or as
supportive as she has been. Think about
it, how many people in your life are there JUST for YOU? It's been my personal experience that even
those closest to me sabotage me sometimes.
Whether they do it knowingly or unknowingly, that's something for them
to decide, but Fla has been the only person I ever met who only pushed me (mostly dragged me) to keep improving and has never sabotaged me in any way. My success
has gone way beyond having a smaller body, too.
Losing the weight affected me physically, medically, spiritually, and
emotionally in ways I never anticipated, including giving me back the confidence
I lost along the way as I sunk into morbid obesity.
I understand her need to move on though. Her true passion is fashion photography and she'll
have more opportunities in New York.
She's young and an exciting place like New York is perfect for her, both
personally and professionally. She
jokingly told me a few times, "Why don't you move to New York with
me?" I started to visualize myself traipsing
all over Manhattan chasing after Fla while carrying two cat carriers containing
my two remaining cats. So if you ever
see an old lady with a cat carrier in each hand running after a blue-haired young
woman through the crowds in Manhattan, that would be me!
If
I ever do move out of state, it won't be to a more expensive, more crowded
place than Los Angeles already is. I've
had my fill of gridlock traffic to last several lifetimes. Even though New York has an outstanding
public transportation system, it's still too crowded for my taste. New York is a great place to visit, but I
wouldn't want to live there. As I get
older, I'm leaning towards a quieter, cooler (weather wise), cheaper state like
Oregon, Washington state, or maybe Colorado.
Some day I want to live where it doesn't cost $400,000 to buy a tiny
house on a tiny lot where your neighbors are mere inches away. My dream is to some day live where you can
actually get more land (as in acres) for your dollar, a place to breathe in peace and quiet
where your neighbors are as far away as possible while still living close
enough to a major city. Very few can afford that in Los Angeles County, and I'm not in that group. In any case, I'm
still trapped by my crappy little house even if I wanted to chase after Fla. I still need to deal with all the clutter I
accumulated through the years, and find the money to pay for the many repairs
that are needed before I can even consider moving out and selling. By the time I get around to all of this, Fla
will probably be an old woman living in Europe by then.
I
was already sad to learn that Fla was going to be moving soon, and a few
days later I also lost my free "membership" to the hoity-toity gym
where Fla teaches spin. For the last few
months, Fla's had me attend three of her spin classes each week at different
locations by getting me in free as her guest.
I kept telling my friends, "I'm stalking Fla all over this
city!" These three spin classes
every week became part of my exercise routine and I grew to really enjoy them,
but I always worried she'd get in trouble for my attendance although she
thought it'd be fine. I often visualized
the manager of one of these locations dragging me off a bike by my hair in mid class
while an "INTRUDER ALERT" alarm blared in the background to tell
everyone at the gym I didn't belong there.
Thankfully, this never happened, but last week management sent an email
to all employees expressly telling them that each guest would only be allowed
in the gym once and that their presence had to be preapproved. The email itself was unnecessarily nasty,
replete with underlined words for emphasis, and I felt awful that I had caused
it. It turned out though that it had
been authored by management at a location we had never visited. Apparently, there were other Flas out there
taking their other Vilmas to their classes, too. Now none of us Vilmas can attend again. I understand perfectly why the gym reminded
people of this rule, but I wish they had waited until Fla was moving before
they kicked me out. I would gladly join
if I could afford it, but it's too pricey for my wallet. To join the location near my house, it costs
$150 a month for just that location or I could pay $275 a month that would allow me to
go to any of their locations I think nationwide.
So
in just a couple of days, I lost Fla twice:
by getting kicked out of her spin classes which have become part of my
regular weekly workout schedule and by the news that she'll be moving away soon. I've been walking around in a sad fog since. What's funny is that when I tell people who
know me that Fla's moving, every single one of them has said, "I'm soooo
sorry for you!" It's the same
response I get when someone in my life or one of my critters has passed
away. They understand just how much Fla's
meant to my transformation. Friends have
even expressed their concern for my continued success once Fla does actually leave
and I've been asked several times, "What are you going to do now?"
My
initial reaction was exactly the same, "What am I going to do now?" Although I've done all the work myself, Fla's support has been instrumental in my ultimate success.
She's dragged me kicking and screaming into weight loss, becoming
active, trying new things, and getting out of my comfort zone of
self-imposed social isolation. She even dragged me
into social media, i.e., this blog, despite my resisting all social media for years
beforehand. She almost (but not
quite) got me thinking about dating again, too.
I feel like I'm just starting out a new chapter of a better life and I'm
saddened that Fla's leaving.
I said in an earlier post that I've been training for this juncture my entire life. Fla's leaving is no different. Ever since I was a kid, I've had the incredible coincidence that any time I get close to someone, the chances are they'll move out of state. Or perhaps I'm the cause for their move? Who knows. Of course, I have several friends I've known for decades who haven't moved away, but more often than not I lose people this way. It happens so often in fact that years ago I started saying that I could go into a room with 100 people in it and I will gravitate to and befriend the one and only person in that room who'll be moving away. It's been true of friends, co-workers, and boyfriends. It's happened so frequently that when I connect with someone new, I often find myself thinking, "Gee, I wonder where you'll move to - and when." The result is I have friends all over the U.S. now, but it's not the same because it's natural to lose touch with time. Unfortunately, by the same token, people who cause me misery stay put and never seem to go away. Life can be so unfair sometimes!
So in essence, losing Fla is a "normal" progression in my life. Although I'm really sad to see her go and I'll miss her greatly, logic and reason are starting to set in and I'm realizing that not all is lost just yet. For two years before I even knew Fla existed,
I did it on my own and never gave up despite being stuck on a 16-month
plateau. The fact that I didn't give up tells me I turned the corner when it comes to my weight issues. Once I met Fla, I was able to succeed like never before by applying what
I learned from her. Fla hasn't monitored
my food diary for many months now because I got it down pact. This aspect of my journey is no longer a
convoluted and confused mystery to me.
I now know what foods and quantities I need
to consume to continue my success.
At
this point of my journey, the main aspect affected by Fla's leaving is my
exercise program. Right now I'm working out every day, sometimes
a couple of times a day by throwing in an extra walk on the treadmill or
outside. For many months now, I've taken
a day off now and then, but mostly I work out daily. I've been going to spin classes four times a
week for months, the three times with Fla and on Saturdays at my gym, Total Woman ("TW"). For pretty much all of 2015, I've been working out with Fla three times a week: arms
one day, legs another, boxing a third and abs throughout. I also complete a
machine circuit about once a week that Fla put me on months ago. The rest of the time I walk either on the
treadmill, outside, or both. When Fla's been out of town, I continued to take spin at TW at least three times a week and I upped my machine circuit to two or three times a week. Fla's been a tremendous influence on my workout routine and knowing she was there supporting me made me want to keep pushing myself and improving. It scares me to think I'll be on my own again regarding my exercise program.
When
it comes to being physical, I know that I can easily stop working
out completely and I wouldn't give it a second thought. I've always hated exercising and I can't say
I enjoy it any more today than I ever did although I just love the results: I've improved in strength, endurance, energy, and
ability while seeing muscle definition for the first time ever.
I'm hoping that loving the benefits will be enough for me to continue on
my own without losing my momentum. I've
come so far, for example, being able to do push-ups when I could never do them
before and I'm hoping I won't allow myself to revert back to where I used to be. Unfortunately, I'm lazy by nature which is why I needed Fla to push me.
My only consolation is knowing that when I started my
weight-loss journey, I had to force myself to do something/anything physical. I started walking around the neighborhood a
couple of times a week, then I joined Curves a year later, and then TW last year. In each instance, I had to force myself to continue with it, but I kept going. Even when I had to start all over again from scratch because of ailments, injuries, and setbacks, I kept getting up and trying again and again. This is my only assurance that I won't give up after Fla leaves. I didn't give up when it was hard and
I couldn't do much, and I'm hoping I won't give up now that I can do so much more.
I'm already starting to think of what I need to do so I won't lose my momentum. Not only will I continue to attend spin classes at TW, I'm researching spin studios now, too. A few days ago I became aware that these existed and what I like about them is that they
offer spin classes throughout the day, every day, and you can attend on a
pay-per-class basis or pay a nominal monthly fee which is more cost effective if you go
often. Although TW offers some spin classes throughout the week, these spin studios offer them several times a day. There have been a few occasions where I wanted to go to spin but TW wasn't offering classes at that particular time so it'll be nice to have other options available.
I found such a studio near my
mother's house that offers one-hour classes for $20 each or $69 a month for unlimited
visits and I plan to check out a couple of their classes in the near future to see if I like them. I'm already thinking that I can attend one of these classes before taking Mitzi, my mother's dog, to the park or a walk which I already do at least once a week.
Also, TW offers many different types of classes a day, everything from yoga to Zumba, which I've never attended. I told myself I need to start going to some of these classes for variety until I find some I like enough to incorporate into my regular weekly workout routine.
As for hiring another trainer, I'm considering it and I'll figure it out when the time comes. When Fla quit working at TW in April 2015, she found a small gym nearby where trainers take their clients and that's where we've been training since. The location is small but it works perfectly for my needs. I only have to pay for the sessions and there's no membership fee at all. It's also close enough to my house where I can walk to/from to add an extra workout if the weather allows. I've met several trainers there and I can try working out with any of them to keep me going. We'll see.
The fact that I'm already starting to plan ahead in anticipation of her leaving is giving me hope that I'll be fine. No matter what happens, I'm extremely grateful that Fla came into my life when she did. I owe her more than I could ever repay. At least I'll have someone to visit in New York, too! Or is it stalk?
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